Ever wondered what your server at the restaurant says about you to the Chefs and other servers, once they have gone back into the kitchen? With approximately twenty years of experience in the restaurant industry, I would like to share my observations in an effort to enhance the dining experience for both guests and professionals in the service industry. As it turns out, common sense is not very common. It is better to state the obvious instead of assuming that people are aware of these things, thus making an ass of oneself and everybody else around us. If you find yourself guilty of one of the trespasses listed below, please don’t worry. I am not here to judge, but rather to educate, because if one has never worked in the restaurant industry, one may not be aware of what happens behind the scenes after you have made a scene. Enjoy the read, take it easy on yourself, and strive to do better next time you dine out.
Here are the ten sins some guests commit while dining at a restaurant.
- Intimidating the host into providing a table in an obviously busy restaurant.
- Now, you may be wondering, “Do people actually do this?” Yes. Yes, they do. Usually, men on a hot date are the culprits here, as they attempt to impress their date but forget to make a reservation. Upon arriving at the restaurant, he may panic after realizing how packed the place is. Instead of admitting to having made a mistake and finding an alternative, or waiting like everyone else, he politely asks for a table. When the host informs him that there are no available tables at the moment, he escalates in temperament and resorts to yelling and using profanity. I witnessed this happen some years ago, and the poor little hostess was a nervous wreck after that. Not to mention that the man’s date was not impressed, judging by the mixed look of surprise and disgust on her face. The man’s antics did not earn him a table either. The manager was notified, and our culprit had to get in the back of the line, like everybody else. It was quite an entertaining scene for the rest of the guests waiting.
- Looking at your phone while your waitress is talking to you.
- This one is another no-brainer. Unfortunately, in this technology-driven world, many of us make this mistake. I cannot count the number of times in my restaurant career that I approached a table as a waitress and was utterly ignored by an entire family of cell phone zombies. After a minute or so of me awkwardly trying to get their attention, the one I presumed to be the mother looks up and says, “Oh, hey!” I greet and begin reciting the specials. However, the one I suppose to be the dad is still on his phone, while little John and Jack try to loudly outdo me by yelling their drink orders at me. Later on, when I come back to take the order, the dad will ask me about the specials, which he would have heard me describe earlier if he had been paying attention and hadn’t been on his phone. Nevertheless, I like getting a tip, so I calmly repeat the specials with a smile. Even now as I write this, I can feel my blood pressure rising.
- Talking to others at the table while the server attempts to take the order.
- I just heard a loud “amen” from all the servers in my blogging congregation. I mean, seriously, people? Do you really have to pretend that yours is the only table in the restaurant and therefore the server has nothing else to do but wait for you to complete your story about what it was like when you went to Timbuktu? How about taking a pause, allowing the server to finish taking the orders, and then commencing with your story? What people who have never been a server fail to notice is that the other tables give your server ugly stares because they are wondering why they have not been served yet. Please be considerate and release your server as soon as possible. Being a waiter is an easy job, but it can turn into hell when there are two or more unhappy tables on a busy night.
- Ordering items that are nowhere on the menu.
- Don’t get me wrong. We understand that there are people who are afflicted with allergies and celiac disease. Dietary restrictions are well understood and welcomed by most chefs. However, some guests prefer to customize the menu simply because they always want things their way. In the service industry, it is often said that the customer is always right. This is not true by a long shot. Based on my experience. The customer is usually wrong because they do not understand the inner workings of the industry in question, but we let them be right because we want their business. Some people take complete advantage of this. For instance, bringing your child into a strictly fine dining restaurant that only serves steaks, fish, and foie gras, and then insisting that the chef make a burger and fries for him. This is just one example of many. Here is how it works behind the scenes. The chef orders groceries based on the menu. If they never serve burgers, there will be no hamburger meat on the premises. It’s not that the establishment does not want to please you, but that they cannot make your wish come true. Nobody who still works in the restaurant industry will ever admit what I am about to say to you, for fear of losing their job, but here it is. Ordering items that are not on the menu really pisses the Chef off! And yes, everyone in the kitchen will curse the day you were born.
- Sending mostly eaten food back.
- Sometimes, the server may take a while to return after serving your meal. This server needs more training. Typically, the server should return in two minutes to confirm that your meal is satisfactory. If your meal is not up to par, and your server takes more than two minutes to return, you can get the attention of another server or the host. In a good restaurant, there should be a floor manager walking around touching tables anyway. Not saying anything to anyone, eating three-quarters of the food, and then telling your server you didn’t like it is not ideal. In most restaurants, if you did not enjoy your food, it will be remade or a fresh meal will be prepared for you. If you eat most of your meal, however, what really happens is that the server takes it to the kitchen, hands it over to the chef, and explains. The chef then looks at the plate and says, “But it’s all gone.” In a good restaurant, the chef will not argue with you. Your meal will be prepared, but it will seem as though you were trying to get free or extra food.
- Yelling at your waitress for mistakes on your order.
- When something goes wrong with your plate, there are two stories to what may have happened. One could be a mistake on the server’s part. They took your order and relayed it to the kitchen incorrectly. This is usually a mistake. The second could be the mistake in the kitchen. The cook or chef may have been overwhelmed with orders and prepared you the wrong plate or burned your steak. Either way, these are all mistakes. There is also a third possibility that most guests overlook. You may have been absent-minded and given the wrong order to your server. Things that sound similar, like Pizza and pasta, or beef and beets, may be uttered mistakenly in place of the other, or if you are a mumbler, your server may hear, “extra cheese”, when what you said was, “extra peas”. Having explained all of the above, we can agree that all humans make mistakes. Yelling at your server does not solve the problem, gets them upset, results in worse service, and makes you look like a jerk to all the other guests in the room. Furthermore, it’s just food. The world does not end just because your food order got messed up. A great alternative would be to ask for the manager and politely explain the situation. You may end up getting a complimentary bottle of wine, depending on the restaurant, a freshly made meal, and the respect of your date or company.
- Walking into the kitchen to personally speak to the chef.
- This doesn’t happen often, but I will mention it because I have personally witnessed it. Usually, it’s the customer who feels that they have been unable to get their issue resolved by the server, the host, and the manager. The kitchen is the chef’s sanctuary. It is where he prepares the meals without interruption or the demands of the guests. Storming into the kitchen not only distracts the chef but also distracts the rest of the crew. By doing this, you are prioritizing your own needs, but at the expense of the service that other guests will receive. Most of the time, the chef may not be able to resolve your issue anyway. This is what managers are there for. On the other hand, I have seen people walk into the kitchen to thank the chef. It would be better to request to greet the chef, and the manager will usually inform the chef, who will then come out and greet you when the busy session is over, typically at the end of the night.
- Arguing loudly with your spouse.
- This is a funny one. It was always entertaining to watch. An otherwise boring night would suddenly get exciting when the voices of the couple at my table would rise above those of the other guests. “You know what, Kyle? You’re an ass sometimes?” Sally yells. Kyle glares at her, trying to control his temper. He looks around at the other guests, hoping they didn’t hear her. He realizes they did, stares back at Sally, and mutters, “This is why I can’t take you anywhere.” The only thing that was difficult for me as a server at that moment was determining the right temperament to exhibit when I returned to the table. Should I smile to lighten the mood, or should I pretend to be somber to match the occasion?
- Allowing your kids to be rude to your server.
- This will be a brief one. Remember little Jack & John yelling drink orders at me while their dad stares at his phone? If your child begins every sentence by shouting the phrase, “I want….!”, then it’s time for parental reevaluation. When kids are being rude in public, we all assume that they are a reflection of their parents. I will say no more.
- Not leaving a tip.
- Okay, I know sometimes the service may have been really terrible. The waitress may have made you so angry or neglected you so much that you decided they do not deserve your money. I have been there. I completely understand. A server must earn the tip. There are, however, people— more than can be imagined —who do not believe in tipping. For those people, let me explain how it works. The person serving you only gets paid enough to cover taxes. Depending on what part of the world you live in. In America, the base wage for servers in most restaurants is around $2.25 per hour. They never see this money. It all goes into taxes. Their livelihood literally depends on your tips. Depending on where they work, a server could make a killing or walk away with nothing. Always remember that you are the one helping them pay their bills. Leave a tip. For those of you who say, “I don’t care. He/she chose that job.”, I have nothing for you.
BONUS TIP!
- Never touch your waitress.
- I hear you exclaim, “Now who would do that?!”. I will leave you with a little story. This happened to me years ago, while working at a very well-established fine dining restaurant. I was walking through the tiny but packed dining room, trying to find my table, when a guest at a nearby table suddenly grabbed my arm. He grabbed me hard enough to stop me. He then, while still hanging onto my arm, proceeded to yell at me, “Are you going to take care of us, or not?!” Let me first mention that I was not even their designated server. The people at his table stared at me with their mouths aghast. I returned the same look. The men at my table, whom I was on my way to take care of, protested loudly. “Why would you grab her?!” Luckily, one of my fellow servers ran and told the manager. I imagine it went something like this. John runs to the manager and, catching his breath, gasps with urgency in his voice, “A customer just grabbed Lisa!” My manager appears at the table from thin air, like a vampire, and says, “What seems to be the problem, sir?” At which point I slid away and crept to my table, in fear that my accoster might see me leave. The manager resolved the issue, and the guest seemed embarrassed for the rest of the evening—end of story.
I hope that this article has shed some light on the relationship between the guest and the server in the restaurant industry. A restaurant is the place where we go to enjoy ourselves, without having to worry about fetching our own drinks and cooking our own food. For the server, it is where they make money while ensuring your comfort and enjoyment, and for the Chef, it is where he gets to showcase his talents and watch the guests enjoy his cooking. We all love restaurants, so why not enjoy a pleasant experience for all?
Go out, enjoy yourself, and be good to yourself and others.
